godgirl

my hair is fresh and purple

it matches the crescent moons beneath my eyes

i’m losing weight all over

so who can say why i still can’t stand my thighs

my friends are unspeakable and damned,

to them i am an enigma

to my parents—

i cannot think of it.

my sister on the ground like a raw, beating heart

as she sobs.

and i apologize,

for existing, for doing this to her.

no one ever says sorry to me.

not the boy who ate me alive and spit out my bones,

leaving my soul to reassemble them bit by bit,

as others come to knock them back down.

not the parents who let me raise myself,

until i grew into a god,

that fit itself into a human frame,

because it made others less uncomfortable.

not my friend who abandoned me in front of a fire,

so hot i could feel my body curling away from a place

alive with people all so unhappy,

until i was away from all of it

and under a sky full of spilled sugar,

i wonder who exactly, i am now.