Going Nowhere

When the sky looks haunted and the night reeks of death

Where can one turn?

Sleepless nights and restless days of doing nothing

But feeding my endless craves

Never satiated

I am trapped by this world of selfish greed

This path of going no where.

Freedom is nonexistent

When you’re bound by a constant

Nagging desire to break free

Yet knowing not where the reign of terror ends.

Who’s to say your enemies aren’t posing as friends

The rubber band of temperament slowly bends.

Waiting to snap.

But nothing is resolved.

My mind is driven by an endless array of thoughts

The new fads of pop culture: smoking til your brain is numb

Drinking til you can’t feel your thumbs

Using people as if they a ragged pair of shoes.

Thinking you got nothing to lose.

But living for yourself has no benefit in the end.

It’s made clear through the media

The endless celebrities who seemingly have everything.

Yet they are the ones who take their life.

Whether a stabbing to the atria or a bullet in the head,

They choose death, thinking that will end their strife.

My mind is blown

If they are not happy with their riches and endless parties

Then why is that lifestyle all I see echoing through the TV

And the gossip filled magazines

And the walking scenes in front of my very eyes

Riches are posed as greatness

This fallacy is a big fat lie.

So how can I trust anything?

Let alone anyone?

My own mother abandoned me in my greatest time of need

How am I supposed to trust this so called “Father”

That the preacher speaks about on a daily.

I’m scared to take that leap of faith,

Because I am undeserving.

My heart is too filled with hate

I fear my fate

Because I know the path I am on is one of self-destruction.

All I feel is the suction of the Devil and I try to resist

But I can’t fight alone.

I realize that I need grace.

I know that I need salvation

But how can I earn it?

How can I become deserving?

When I am nothing more than

A broken child

Walking through the valley of the shadow death

Desperate and Yearning