Golden

I always thought that if I just got to college that I’d be alright.

If I just passed through those golden gates

That all of the blessings I missed in my past life would meet me at the other side.

That I my cup would runneth over.

That I would have nothing to chase me from my past.

But when I crossed I joined a sisterhood that wasn’t apart of the Divine 9.

A sorority far from any whiff of divinity.

No benefits in joining.

No respect from anybody on campus.

You only get a title that has power over the people you can bring to their knees.

Apparently my cap and snow white gown cost too much for my mother’s 9 to 5

And scholarships to handle

So I traded in my innocence for perry

And my friends for soros.

I was never the type of person to defer my dreams

Even if it meant giving up everything else in the process

But my mom just thinks this is a second job.

I’ll never tell her that I’ve pledged to a life full of being paid for my stroll.

They call me in to be hazed I get on my knees to cry “God, please hear my...”

Interrupted by the buyer of my body’s labor.

Their voices always beat mine to the punch.

Like he hears them calling his name followed by grunts and moans

Before my voice has the chance to reach his ears.

I plant  

At the end of this process there are no diamonds thrown

Except the ones he might use to pay me with on a bracelet.

I wear it secretly.

To remind me of my body's worth.

I have no compassion for men who remind me of what it’s like to be looted in the shadows.

I walk through the hallway lights alone.

My love is given away every night I get paid to serve my body on a platter.

Every drop of affection is poured out of me into my customers cup

And by the time it’s done they’re jolly and full.

I don’t have the courage to tell anybody why I’m starting to look like broken pearls necklaces Waiting in a box to be fixed.

“I need your healing. Please.”

Give me another way to get to my goal.

In June 2016 I’ll be forgiven for my sins

And washed white as snow.

But it seems that since I’ve crossed through these gates

I’ve only entered another level of hell.