gone.

I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. or relieved. or ashamed. or excited. or guilty. I didn't have enough time to decide how to feel. but I felt it all. first it was fear. panic. totally lost. then it was denial. optimism. sure enough brought back to fear. then, it was all gone. an empty screen. the fear was gone. relief and happiness waved over me. but only for a minute. the word "gone" rung throughout my bones. gone. never to return. and a piece of who I am along with it. along came the anger. with the world. with myself. when the world is beyond your control and you're left without the answers, you spend your life wondering: why.