Gone But Never Forgotten

Gone but never forgotten.

Or is that only for the fallen?

Are you considered "fallen?"

You fell to me,

from the pedestal I put you on,

even after you fell off of your own.

You fell to me,

from the Heavens,

but isn't that the way it's supposed to be?

You fell to me.

You fell for me.

I'm older than you were

when you held me in your arms

that first summer day.

Was it cold in the hospital?

Was it hot outside?

Was it warm in your relationship with Dad then?

Or was that always my job;

to bring the temperature back down

or back up, depending on the day?

What was it like holding me that first time?

Were you proud?

Were you happy?

Were you scared?

I'm scared.

I'm scared now.

You never were my mother;

always more of a friend.

But, still,

I loved you.

I love you.

You taught me to be strong,

even when you were weak.

You taught me to be brave,

even when it meant standing up to you.

You taught me to be honest,

even when it meant calling out your lies.

You taught me to be me,

even when you couldn't stand who I was.

You sound so horrible when I lay out

all of the wrong you did to me.

You sound like the step-mothers in Cinderalla

or Ursula in the Little Mermaid.

Do you remember how much I watched the Little Mermaid?

But, you were my mother.

Just like the bird,

I have to find out what you are not.

I'm heartbroken that it will take years for us to reconnect,

but when we do,

I will know what you aren't,

and I will know what I am not.

You are gone, but never forgotten.

I just wanted you to know that.

Oh, and mom,

as long as I'm living, my mother you'll be.