Good Enough

“Good Enough”

Life isn't the same without you. It's not gloomy, dark, or miserable, but it’s like living in a world with no direction, no path to follow. It seems like some days there is no reason to put on a smile just to tackle the world, and especially when you weren't there to do it with. For a while, I thought you were mine. I thought I had you. I thought the fights would become worth it. I thought we were so close, I thought that you truly cared as much as I did. But just like the cigarettes, you used on cold nights to calm you down and forget the pain, you stepped on me once you were done. I was addicted to the taste that your words left, but I guess I wasn't worth the extra drag. No matter what happens from now on, I know we made an impact on one another. And we will always be in each others’ memories, that will never change.

There was this song, Waves by Dean Lewis. I used to listen to it and think of you. It wasn’t like we were growing apart. This feeling was way more violent than that. It felt like we were being ripped at our roots; they were too tangled up together. I spent so much time trying to fix us without actually learning anything. That night it was different though. That night the song was on loop. And I got in my mom's old red car and drove to your house, the new one, in the cul de sac. I sat on the hood and called you, so you came down and sat with me. And I finally said all of the things I had been too scared to voice. That I felt like I was losing you. Once I started, it gained all of this momentum and I didn't know how to stop it. And you cried and told me you felt it too. That night is one I will never forget; one heart to heart and a very good song. One trip to your house in the dead of night. But it didn't fix us. Nothing did.

I’ve learned something’s since you’ve been gone. I figured out I’m not afraid of love like I thought the night you walked away; I’m afraid of being the only one who falls, while the other pretends. The thing is though, I can try to convince you day after day that I’m worth it all but your mind’s already been made up. You saw who I was and I wasn’t good enough.