GOODBYE FATHER

I told myself if I prayed enough ,

If I showed up to church ,

If I get a job ,

If I show him I been business ,

Then maybe ,

Just maybe ,

I can finally grow ,

Into a whole women ,

A happy women ,

A better women ,

I told myself all these things ,

Just to get thru the nights ,

Feeling so alnoe in this cold ,

Feel like I’m running outta time ,

Feel like my days over with ,

Sometimes I’m going ,

Sometimes I’m steal ,

& then sometimes it’s nothing at all ,

I hear rain drops ,

But see no rain ,

I see the light ,

But it’s not so bright ,

I’m dimming out ,

My voice as become soft ,

My hands are down ,

My head is held high ,

I walk with sight you are who you are ,

I can’t change that ,

Can’t make you be something you don’t wanna be ,

Can’t make you do something that you don’t wanna do for yourself,

Wont shame you ,

Wont hate you ,

Wont dwell on you or the situation ,

I came to realize I was only hurting myself more ,

I was causing more pain to myself by chasing you ,

Begging you ,

It’s crazy doe , 

Because I never realized how toxic this shit was ,

Until i starred dating ,

& I seen a lot of my child hood trauma happening in my relationships,

That’s why it’s was so important,

But god don’t give me nothing I can’t handle,

I just wish he eased the load up ,

Cus this shit heavy ,

I’m tried of carrying it ,

I’m tried of going thru it ,

I just wanna get the message,

So I can moved past it ,

It took enough out of me ,

I’m good on all that shit ,

I fucks with you how fuck with me ,

I’m matching energy,

Cus at the end of the day I know I tried ,

I gotta give up ,

If I don’t I’m end up dead ,

My kids gonna have to grow up without a mother ,

& im not going out like that ,

This is a goodbye from your daughter.