Goodnight. Goodbye.

Your chair… your spot now empty, always empty. Sit right on it they say like it is nothing.

 

 

 

Just sit on top of the memory of my grandpa in his Nebraska cap with the smell of a hospital, like the home where you sat filled with people like you.

 

 

 

You forgot my name, you did not forget my face, what a lovely lady… the most beautiful in the world.

 

 

 

I never agreed, even though you did not know me in your brain… you did in your heart and I never knew how you could.

 

 

 

I never knew how they could just leave you when you were scared… dehydrated… starved then died.

 

 

 

I told you goodbye and you squeezed my hand to tell me to let go, but it only made me want to hold you longer.

 

 

 

Longer… like the amount of time I want, like the amount of time I will be in morning, no forever.

 

 

 

Forever the amount of time your love will last for me, the amount of time you told me you would be there.

 

 

 

You lied, you lied to your best friend… and I believed you. I believed you would sit and see me in a white dress as the happiest girl I have ever been.

 

 

 

You never did or will.

 

 

 

I thought you would see me in a cap and gown, but you were stuck in a cell of a home.

 

I thought there was more time.

 

 

 

Time, a funny word… it pops off the page like a cat.

 

 

 

Cat… what I am allergic to … allergic to people wanting to love me, allergic to your love for me.

 

 

 

I pushed you away my symptoms made me upset when all you did was give me love, my head shook my body ached and I- I just wanted you to stay.

 

 

 

Stay something I wish I had done longer of.

 

 

 

I never wanted to see you.

 

 

 

The stench of forgetfulness and painful memories lingered in your room and I could not find a way to sit in it.

 

 

 

Sit – sitting in the chair… your chair.

 

 

 

I am sorry I shouldn’t sit in your chair it should be left for you to sit.

 

 

 

Please sit in it. Please reappear and sit.

 

 

 

I cry and look at your chair… just sit in your chair like you always did.

 

 

 

Sit in your chair and watch the game and I will sit in front of it for you to stroke my hair like you did.

 

 

 

I am done sitting, I’ll sleep goodnight papa… goodnight buddy.

 

 

 

 

 

 Goodnight. Goodbye.