grace.

when i was younger, my mother called me "grace". she called me grace, because that was exactly the thing that i lacked. thinking about it now, it occurs to me.. that that is a very sad thing: to be named after something you lack. if someone wanted to call me a name based on something i can't do, or don't have, or am not, maybe they would call me.. clear. for i am never quite clear on what i want. maybe they would call me.. pure. for i have sinned a thousand times. maybe they would call me.. shame. for i have no shame about the life i have chosen. maybe they would call me.. beautiful. for many things about me are not quite beautiful. maybe they would call me.. honesty. for i'm supremely good at spouting lies. maybe they would call me.. found. for i have never, ever, been so lost.