To Grandma, From Your Ladybug

Dear Grandma,

Did you know I loved you?

Of course I said it often.

A cursory reply that everyone says,

"I love you too",

Without a second thought.

But I meant it.

I really did.

You may have thought of it as gratitude

Towards your relentless gift giving

Or maybe thought that I was forced

Because it's just something that family says.

Did you hear me that day?

When I stood next to the hospital bed,

Your eyes staring blankly at nothing,

The death rattle ensuing?

Did you hear me say those three precious words,

That I can never say enough,

That'll never be enough?

Do you hate me?

For not showing up that day

When cancer finally took you away?

I didn't mean to miss it.

I wish I never missed it.

Do you see me now?

In constant mourning,

Constantly regretting

That I didn't spend enough time with you,

Rarely ever talked to you,

Asked you about your life before it ended?

Will I ever be able to see you again?

To all these questions I never got to ask,

And many more that I never will ask,

Please answer back soon.

Love,

your ladybug.