Grandpa I miss you.

Dear, whoever is reading this

When I was eleven years old  I lost my hero, my grandfather. It was unexpected so when I first heard the news I was devastated and in shock. I can remember him just the other day riding his bike so how can he be gone? I ran to the bathroom and slammed the door behind me and cried like never before. My heart was racing, my head was spinning, I was in a state of disbelief. I had to accept that death was part of life. I was forced to learn to be responsible and take care of my younger siblings while my mom went to Mexico after the sad news. I also learned to process death and grief in unexpected times. I have learned that life goes on even after very difficult things. I learned that my family is strong and resilient and you can face hard things after. During this difficult time in my life, I was able to find peace and tranquility through art. Once I place my hand on a paintbrush I immediately feel centered and forget about everything surrounding me. The feeling I get when I am in the middle of working on a piece of art is like I am a whole different person, my thoughts quickly transfer from stress and life to paint and brush strokes. The feeling I get is relief, I feel as if it is a way to find who I really am as a person.

Making art is not just a hobby for me, it is my therapy, my escape from reality. The process that I go through with art is beautiful; it is a process that I see myself developing to future. I created a small art studio at my house because the time I get in art class is not enough for me to let out all my stress and feel free.

It was during this time that art became my healer. It helped me control the grief of my grandpa's death. All the pain and all the stress was released by simply making art. It was a very painful time in my life, but as soon as I grabbed a paintbrush and made strokes on canvas I felt  some sort of relief, a sort of reprieve from all the stress going on in my life. Art was an escape from my feelings and offered a space where I was able to lose myself in my beautiful, detailed paintings, but even as I was escaping, I was healing. Art has become a safe space where I can temporarily forget painful memories, a safe space where I can just worry about what media I want to use, or which colors I want to mix. To this day, art still has the power to calm and soothe me.

I have seen many people who have struggled without the opportunity of having a higher education and I remember saying to myself that I was going to be different, I was going to be better, I was going to challenge myself. That is why I decided to take advanced placement classes. It was difficult. It was a challenge. But that is what I wanted for myself; I wanted a better life. I got stressed out a lot but I managed to get past it by being in the Visual Art & Design Academy, which is an art academy at my school where students are encouraged to express their ideas artistically and to form a supportive community of artists. Every single class was hard, homework was confusing, tests were impossible to pass, but everyday getting to my art class felt like a blessing. Walking in and right away smelling the fresh paint that someone just spilled, or the fixative spray that someone just applied on their pencil drawing, it was different. Art class has been my support because it makes me forget about all the stress of the math problem or science lab or English essay. Art is my life.

Despite this painful memory and missing my grandpa, I was able to learn a lot from it, such as having art as an escape. I know that when challenges come my way I will do my part. I learned time management, multitasking skills while handling the responsibilities at home and still doing my best in school and not giving up. The responsibilities I had at home were washing dishes, mopping, cooking, doing laundry, etc. Even though it was hard at times with all my school assignment deadlines catching up to me, I managed to do well in everything.  

Sincerely, Karina Nunez