gratitude

dear grandma, 

i'm currently applying for college and every day of my life, 

i grow more and more appreciative of your presence in my life. 

i owe everything i am to you 

and i will never be able to love you enough to thank you

for raising me.

you're the mother figure i never felt like i had.

you're the one person i felt have ever loved me unconditonally. 

i love you for teaching me to be an independent woman,

for teaching me to not let others treat me badly to keep them, 

for teaching me that i am valuable and i am beautiful no matter what anyone else says, 

for teaching me that people won't always be who you expect them to be, 

that people won't love the same way i do

and it will hurt me. 

i love you for putting aside everything you had

to be with me, to raise me.

at four years old, you put your life aside for me

to sit with me on the couch and watch paris by night,

to go across the street to the convenience store and buy me snacks and cheap dolls,

to sit with me on the couch and tell me things i never learned to value 

until many years later. 

"boys don't matter if you're not happy with yourself.", 

"your education is important, but mental health is first.", etc.

i will never be able to repay you for forming me into the person that i am. 

you gave me strength and unconditional love throughout my childhood 

and i attempt to repay you by loving you in return,
calling you ever so often to see how you're doing- 
even though you might not remember how old i am anymore,

buying you your favorite cake every year for your birthday,

even though you won't remember why you're eating a cake, etc. 

thank you for being who you are, thank you for giving me love and 

thank you for being the mother figure in my life.

Love, Karen 

i love you from my feet to my head- all throughout my being