The Great Pretender*

A threadbare silence wraps itself

Around my hearing,

Stopping the sounds that

Have submerged my skin and

It replaces the noises with

My own hammering thoughts

Though I beg for 

The black or for the white,

It is grey hands that grip my heart,

And it is grey ands that

Induce a cold spread

Which shivers against my ribs

As it saturates my soul

Recently I have found that,

As my body dances,

My brain goes numb,

Yet, when my body numbs,

My brain dances to 

The beat of 

Clammy memories which grip

Even the loveliest 

Of my dreams

All comprehension is confused

By that impact which

Exploded my heart into 

Splinters as fine as

The dust that 

Trickles down the

Glass sides of passing time

Despite struggling to fit

The jigsawed pieces back together,

I have found that some

Still remain missing -

Or stolen -

And my internals 

Still bleed freely

It has become apparent that

This all-consuming pain is

Far too demanding 

To ever allow my 

Tissue to toughen or scar

Despite all that is said around me

About the necessity of

Getting over stupid happenings

And young breaks, 

Perhaps all anyone ever really means

Is that there is a necessity to pretend,

To pretend that there is an escape

From these blows

That break us

And from these bellowing moments

That engulf our future visions

*Title comes from "The Great Pretenders" - a song by The Platters and also

the title of a student written play performed at my high school.