The Great Wall of China?

the romantization of mental health is truly a travesty 

speaking from the perspective of something with dysthymia 

or as my friends like to call it, a disorder of apathy 

i like to believe such a condition does not control my mind 

i like to believe I the murk of my mind will clear   

i like to believe my default isn't a grey sky after rain 

however, per the doctors diagnosis, this mental handicap is here to stay 

now this doesn't mean that I don't feel; i have my lovely days 

and through the years I've come up with a failsafe 

I don't know where it came from, or why it lingers so 

but the Great Wall of China is where I wish to go 

there's really no explanation or great tale of inspiration 

in fact I wonder if one day I will hardly care 

it's how I check on myself, to see if I need to focus on my mental stability 

if I remind myself of the Great Wall and feel nothing, I am not doing well 

if the Great Wall sparks an odd, puzzling joy, my heart begins to swell

even so 

 I must push on through the apathy

through the grey 

through the murk 

if it means I can somehow make it there

and yes, this will not perfect my life 

in fact, I wonder if it will let me down entirely

why would a wall of rock ignite such feelings? 

i could not answer you 

dysthymia is no easy foe, I assure you 

but if all it takes to conquer is The Great

goddamn 

long-ass 

confusing 

culterally significant 

beautiful 

badass 

Wall of China, 

I'll send you a postcard.