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Grey


I sit here thinking
 
Thinking about my relationship
 
I think too hard
 
Too fast even
 
And I go numb
 
No emotions
 
I feel
 
Nothing
 
 
No emotions
 
No state
 
None of which I can declare an emotion
 
I
 
Feel
 
nothing
 
My body goes numb
 
I can't feel
 
I don't understand
 
But do I want to?
 
 
So I sit
 
And I think
 
Try to feel
 
Think why my emotions can be so froze over
 
Why my tongue is twisted
 
Why my soul
 
Ceases to exist
 
So I sit here
 
 
I cease to exist
 
I withdrawal
 
I have fallen
 
To a point of no return
 
I have withdrawn 
 
I feel no heart beat
 
I feel no pulse
 
So I fall
 
And I withdraw 
 
 
I search
 
I dig
 
I look for an emotion 
 
I feel no humor 
 
I feel no pain
 
I feel neither happy nor sad
 
I feel my heart 
 
The strings slowly starting to snap
 
Snap
 
Crack
 
So I dig
 
 
I cannot smile nor frown
 
I cannot talk nor communicate
 
I feel no need 
 
No sense 
 
No point of return
 
I feel no buzz
 
I 
 
Feel 
 
Nothing
 
For I cannot smile nor frown
 
 
I ignore
 
I don't care what they have to say
 
Adults teenagers kids
 
They all sound the same
 
They try to talk
 
I shut down
 
And I ignore
 
 
I stare
 
Looking at this screen
 
I see white
 
Nothing but keen
 
I have no hope 
 
I am going blind 
 
Why are my emotions in such a bind
 
And so
 
I stare
 
 
I do not work
 
I do not write nor draw
 
I try to look away 
 
Pull out of the pit
 
But I don't
 
For I feel
 
I feel comfort
 
Comfort in the darkness
 
Comfort with numb
 
All I feel is comfort
 
It's more than before
 
I don't move my lips 
 
I only adjust my hips
 
But only slightly so 
 
I don't work
 
 
I feel this buzz
 
From which you can never receive from a drug
 
I numb 
 
I start to go blind
 
All I can see
 
Is this little piece 
 
This piece of my heart
 
And I see
 
Yet a couple more
 
The pieces I have gave
 
And shall never see anymore
 
 
These pieces 
 
Of which I gave away
 
They belong to them
 
The ones I considered saints
 
I don't love nor do hate
 
I feel nothing 
 
And it feels great
 
 
I wanted to say
 
I wanted to do
 
But all I can find is nothing but a zoo
 
A zoo with my heart
 
My soul
 
My lungs 
 
My brain
 
My eyes
 
A zoo which is kept
 
By none other than the guy
 
 
The guy is nothing
 
But then again he is there 
 
So he must be something
 
Something I should know
 
Something I should know
 
 
The guy
 
The guy is me 
 
He is dressed in all black
 
And hangs from a tree
 
He smiles 
 
But I cannot
 
He waves to me 
 
All I see
 
Is the tree
 
 
The tree 
 
It grew for years
 
It is tall
 
Taller than me
 
It has no end 
 
Nor a start 
 
I think I know
 
It started with my heart
 
 
My heart 
 
What little is left
 
So I talk 
 
I try to confess 
 
But I cannot
 
Confess that of which is not there
 
I tie a knot 
 
And watch my heart rot
 
 
It rots slowly
 
What little that can
 
It is there 
 
But at the same time it's not
 
I feel nothing 
 
No
 
I'm wrong
 
I feel numb
 
And this is where I stand
 
 
I stand at the rainbow 
 
Black purple and blue
 
I see a hint of yellow
 
But It slowly fades 
 
It fades until it is gone
 
And all I see is black purple and blue
 
 
I want nothing
 
No drug
 
No food
 
No love 
 
Nothing is what I want
 
But I do want a wish
 
 
I wish to be unwound
 
What little that they can
 
 
Give my body to someone else 
 
So they can share the pain
 
Pain?
 
How do I feel that 
 
I don't
 
But then again I do 
 
I feel 
 
That thing 
 
Pain 
 
A lot
 
 
 
 
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