Grieving the Living

I’ve mourned the dead but never the living.

Until now, my brother.

Pain has never been so prominent.

The heartbreak of realizing your own blood sibling is not with you.

He was my first heartbreak, and he broke me. 

The tears,

Mental breakdowns.

Hating every holiday, including your own birthday.

But the part that hurts the most is no guy can ever hold a candle to him.

He has a bright candle gleaming on his face reflecting every expectation.

The anger has been replaced with acceptance.

Acceptance and sadness mix. 

They mix, unlike any other emotion. 

I’ll miss you forever.