growing

for so long

i was torn between

            faces & places

and not being able to choose

what to do or where to go that

would please others [please me]

i wanted this and i wanted that

but to have one, i had to give up the other

everything is different and

everything is inconsistent

and i’ve always been torn between

the choice of stability or the choice of freedom

but now,

it’s liberating

this feeling of ‘free’ mixed with ‘it’s alright’ and a bit more than just a dash of ‘i’m alright’

it’s been a very long while since i’ve felt something better than the lie of i’m fine, everything’s fine

now, it’s good. i’m good.

finally

i’ve become my own person rather than a shadow of what is or what was, something greater than the anxious stutter that was controlling my mind

i can think

i can breathe

& i am still growing but the difference is, i have room now