Growing Up and Growing Old

Growing up is not the same as growing old.

Growing up has nothing to do with how tall you are,

It has nothing to do with the color of your hair,

Growing up does not even have anything to do with your age.

Growing up is about what you know how to do,

what it took to get you there,

and how much you worry about it.

I grew up before I grew old,

as most do.

I grew up before my parents did,

as most do not.

At four, I was capable of tucking myself in at night, because mom had been asleep for hours.

At five, I was able to hide my mom's addiction.

At six, I was capable of feeding myself, because mom had sometimes forgot.

At seven, I was better at hiding my mom's addiction.

At eight, I was experienced in begging people for money, because my mom simply could not afford to pay the bills.

At nine, I could hide my mom's addiction with no error.

At ten, I could go anywhere I wanted because my mom was too high to notice.

At eleven, I realized that my mom was not okay.

At twelve, I told my school counselor.

At thirteen, I no longer lived with my mother.

After that I no longer had to worry.

I did not have to tuck myself in.

I did not have to worry about how I was going to eat.

I did not have to beg others for money or worry about how rent was going to be paid.

I did not have to do any of these things.

But still I did.

I did worry about if there was going to be food.

I did worry about where the money was coming from, and what it was going towards.

Because this is what 'grown ups' do. 

They worry.

And after everything I had been through I was no longer a child.

I was young.

But growing up is not the same thing as growing old.