Growing pains

Dear self, 

She died in those years. She knew she was fading; she saw her will and determination to live depart. But what she didn't know was how much she was killing herself while trying to create life within. She did what she had to do to survive, she thought. But what she did drove her further towards the end. Her brain deceived her, as her depression, the world, and her shame deceived her. 

And yet as she began to breath her last, God began to breath a new heart into her. 

Happiness still evaded her, stability was far away, and she somehow knew her worthlessness more than ever before, yet through it all God's power was taking over. Slowly, she began to live again- live in a way the world never will understand.