Growing up you were forever

Growing up you were forever there. Birthdays, Christmas, Easter and all. Always were my first love, had my heart through it all. Which makes everything hurt even worse. Always loved you through everything, went to jail when I was only a young one and still forever spoke the highest about you. Put you before everyone even my queen of a mother and now that’s all regrets. Could you tell me what changed, I hit a certain age and you stopped coming around, stopped checking in, stopped calling.

It’s almost like someone has to put a gun to your head just to make you call and see how your kids are. Sometimes I think you believe you only have one child. I love my little brother but of course there’s always that resentment and of course it’s not his fault, it’s yours for making it seem like he’s more important. No matter how old your kids gets, you should always be there. Growing up without a father is hard no doubt, but when you grow up with one and then he disappears out of your life like he was only a figment of your imagination, that’s a different kind of pain. I keep the tears tucked behind my smile and pretend it doesn’t hurt. In all reality, it hurts like hell. But I don’t think you realize what that can do to a girl. Growing up loved and all of sudden feeling like you’re not wanted puts different kind of thoughts in a young woman’s head. Where other girls without their father in their life go to dudes to find that want there’s nothing I can do because I feel like everyone I talk to or date doesn’t want me.

My momma does her best and its nothing against her but the love from a father is something totally different. And it seems like I should be okay because I got a taste of that love but when it’s just taken away from you it hurts something serious man.