Guidance

Dear Marcus,

First, when I say Marcus, I don’t mean me.

At least, not the me who’s writing this.I mean the me of the future. The Marcus who is in college; the Marcus who, a year from when I’m writing this, has grown into a person I can admire and look up to.

I wanted to write this to tell you...well, you probably know what I’m talking about. You’re me, after all, but a better me. A me who has learned from all of my mistakes; a me who knows who to trust and what you want out of life.

I don’t expect you to know all the answers. If I did, I certainly wouldn’t be writing this letter to you. But, I expect you to know some.

Since last week, it feels like there’s nobody I can truly trust; nobody I can tell everything to, like I used to when I was a kid.

I can’t trust the people I thought were friends, because they went so far into the world of drugs I lost them in a thick haze of putrid smoke.

I can’t trust my family, because everything I say around anyone within the thin walls of the house can and will be used against me eventually.

I can’t trust my own brain and the “intellect,” I thought I had, if the red,blazing F on the latest biology test is anything to show.

I can’t even be certain the sweat and late nights I put into homework every night will even be worth the prices I’ve paid; the sleep I’ve lost in pursuit of that perfect, all-important A.

Who do I turn to, in this world where people will always be people: imperfect, flawed, and driven by their mistakes? In a world, where, as hard as I try for perfection, I will still be human?

How can I ever stop not knowing the answers to anything?

How can I stop answering questions and giving false advice to others about marriage, and love, and relationships, and college when I have experienced none of those things?

Do you know how frustrating that is?

You can answer any math equation they throw at you in class, name any god in the Greek pantheon, give a plot summary of three separate Shakespeare plays, and talk for hours on natural selection. But you can’t definitively answer a single question about yourself or what you want out of your life, despite the fact that you’ve lived it for the past 17 years.

How depressing is that?

That’s why I hope you’ve found the answers.

Or at least, some of them.

I hope you’ve learned how to be your own person; how to live for yourself.

I hope you’ve at least started to figure out what you want to do with your life, and

learned to answer some of those questions that plague our conscience now.

I hope...you’re the me I can only wish to be now.

I guess we’ll just have to see.

Sincerely,

Marcus