My best friend tried to die twice in the same day.

First with a gun and second with a wire off a hair dryer.

I bet she chose the gun first so it wouldn't hurt. A mercy kill for us, for those who she loves because I think she didn't want someone to come home and see she's still struggling to stop breathing.

Chose the wire for the second attempt to feel something, she missed feeling something other than feeling like she watched the paint fucking dry.

No licks or personal shit can touch her.

Should she swallow a bullet so her secrets would be buried with her, like how she threw pretty lies in the pit of her mouth and decaying flowers grew a diversion. A dirstraction. 

I bet you didn't see anything. You never do . You saw her running around in the hals but you could never see the thoughts in her head and man I wish I was Professor Charles Xavier able to read her mind so I could know what she was going through. 

Or is it how her throat can be wrung like a towel because two can keep a secret if one of them is dead and God up above only knows.

She felt static ring in her ears and thought, "this is it." while she had tears of pain stream down her flustered cheeks.

But she couldn't do it, she couldn't keep up with the lie. 

Pretending that she was always fine and that everything would remain the same but she wanted something to change.

She didnt need to pretend that she was dying on the inside because not one fucking person noticed. 

She wrote she didnt have a purpose or didn't have a worth but her worth is all the good in this world.

When somebody dies, we think they're still alive until we walk up to the casket and choke up, wishing you'd wake the fuck up.

She calls herself a disappointment, screw up, fuck up, a mess; apologizing for not being what everyone wants her to be she confesses.

She's a mess but shes a damn beautiful mess.

I wonder what went through her mind as she wrote her letter, how many times she deleted it and wrote it over and over. Wondering if the last thing she'll ever say is good enough but she probably thought, "fuck it".

It is what it is but I'm glad she's still alive and she may not be fine but she's working on bettering herself. 

It's not a happy ending like disney, she doesn't get the cute guy or become a Queen, or remotely have anything happy to it but it's reality and somehow we still hurt even after our story ends, someone, somewhere still feels the pain of the past.