Hail Mary, Full of Face

HAIL MARY FULL OF FACE A Dreadful Tale about a Dead Anglo Mother, A Dreadful, Avenging Aunt, A Stolen Baby Sister, and a Hateful, An Unfaithful, Defaulting Father. Mary, Mary, quite contrary How does your garden grow? With people, people who hardly know Your vices, your intrigue, your lies, and so, You’ve ruined lives and now I will show How demonized you are, with just your thinking About your “slemly” self, just linking [Nice in Arabic] That self to your own, and not us--no one else You belong in no company, your old-time thinking. Adopting my sister, without any inkling Of what takes to challenge the motherless And seeing we ended up, also, being fatherless. Travesties galore made this woman happy You won hearts, but you seemed quite daffy. Childhood, telling us we’d never be as good As your Syrian daughters - such a strange brood! This kind of “teaching” by a Syrian mom was kinda lewd. She verily became our ISIS She thought who could ever, ever be like us She raved for hours so very against us To that red-headed family so she could easily best us! Humiliating us at every stop We really, really got a lot From her, the decadent Queen of ISIS No, she’d never, ever be like us! Twenty years to a guileless young person Is a forever eternity… A lesson, an identity… Carried on secretly, destroying our Syrian identity. She stole that connection, filling it with confusion She with cruel humor would kill our loving illusion Stopped it in its growth, Forever unseating that family oath. To care - without any rejection. It was She that was a great defection. Mary, Mary how does your hatred grow Picked on those who had no Syrian power But you didn’t see yourself becoming lower To the ends of the earth, heartless black flower In her mind she’d be our Mother But as this poet, I did not know it Things would be better if we like sheep Worshipped Mary, into the deep Like the rest of her Keep Then mayhap we’d enjoy their fully undeserved sleep. Taught my dear little sister like her to hate Would I had the power to shut up her pate Her mouth was evil to the core I never, never could stand more. Her hatred entered me, made me sore. Screaming at us to keep us out Daddy joined her in this falling out She, successful -as any lout. Hell, Mary, full of Face Recognizing only your Syrian race Did anyone else matter? Just your primitive face? Everyone one was hurt, except you and your nace There’ll be no one, ever, that can take your place Laughing to destroy our wanted Arab destiny Which you did, and did, successfully, with your fantasy. Leaving us suddenly knowing only this hateful group There’s nothing to which she wouldn’t stoop Her sick obsession to hurt the powerless Speaks of a very worst yes, cruel foulness. We lived at a convent school very protected Visiting weekends this inspiring lark, Two sisters know she made a strong mark She was not our blood, we couldn’t take part Of this constant coldness on her part. And another Aunt with two daughters, good They were always with us, always stood The opposite of this wicked would-be aunt This family, Americanized and very sane Never did play the ancient Ottoman-like game These Aunts were our world - our windowpane. Two aunts - endowing us with a Syrian heritage, One, the bad one, with much leverage The good one to teach us a good Syrian beverage With balance, love, the length of days Not like the other, the one who dismays. We represented that bad woman’s target What it came from. Could it be her precious Margaret? No, not at all her peaceful daughter But the other, joined in on the slaughter Making serious and even much more, fodder. We had no tools to breach this hate I guess that it would have to be our fate. To live our lives just disenchanted. Our hearts broke, as if forever lancets. Taking my sweet sis turning her against us She did truly give strong heed to fence us. What ever could we find for our defenses? Dad, real Dad, drunken dad Fell in with them: became the faulted father Sought their pity--liking us to foreign daughters He was in love with them, weakly turning Back to his Syrian fold back, not farther Unwittingly, unrepentedly, uncaringly, joining the laughter Discarding his American daughters to a mental slaughter. At his picnic - family there - he called us foreigners Foreigners we were, surely, when with them They couldn’t ever believe in us, Dad influenced them against us. Made us feel like little fools. No, we never had the tools To fight this ignorance - Change these mules? Punishing, punishing us as wedded women Accused of all that they gossiped about What did they say? And this truant dad a lout Speaking of us in downing tones I’d feel better had they broken my bones. Closing his relationships to his Two lesser liked non-Arab sisters Would there would be a better mister He considered us two a mere sinful blister. We ran away from this horrible drunk And then we suffered the worst of any they would dunk Uncomfortable at their Arab-speaking homes We stopped visiting long before their moans We were “no good” said our Syrian family Would that we knew that we’d be anti-Family They had something to hate and did they do it We had no idea we were just a joke Their words, their disgust, far more than a poke. Their anti-American provincial views Made no sense - their perverted mews All we loved, we would really lose. There was never any right to choose. That family didn’t speak, avoided us At sister’s Syrian wedding. It was mined That scene returns to me all of them lined Winding its way into my unbidden mind, They were so, so truly unkind We always would be to them the “Other” Yes, us, us, us, without a mother! We lost three mothers, our real one gone Also our good step mother quickly on Perhaps Dad guilty of their two deaths I shant continue - you’d lose your breaths. But Hail that Lady, she would change our world Sending us suddenly into a whirl. How to change the young with screaming? She’d not change but destroy our dreaming Waking horribly from our Syrian dream We just didn’t fit their crappy crème de la crème. Everyone was fooled by this greedy witch She and her daughters I’d deem as bitch What was in them, caused their making? Taking away, taking taking Good cousins now, have been awakened My work of writing revealed that faking. Hail Mary full of Face Only using her charms to grace The sisters that she wished not to embrace With threads of lies an unrevealing face Syrians’ acceptance of her goddam place No one ever will she replace In every way she used her mace A clever poison to keep her place Successfully, she’d snidely hid her dreams Wearing a mask to hide her themes. She’d always hated us through and through We didn’t know it till she did what she’d do Her masque did work, from dusk to dawn. Hatred of us was what she would spawn She would definitely kill our spirits Would that I could reveal some of her lyrics. Our Syrian sissa’s wedding made our new place That even there we could have little space. No other family events could we be included. Engagement parties, baptisms, we would be excluded Their intentions now were completely nuded. You stole our little baby entering the world Through our Mom’s Death You stole my Dad’s affection He also her straw man, worshiping her: a fiction Her stand could only be that of affliction. Hail Mary full of Face Face that faced nothing exçept winning the Ace Did no one ever tell you - you were a case? Using your screams to stuff our mind And even more shrieking to clog our mind No other Syrian family we knew could be so unkind. Always filling us with her delicious food Only to turn against us, trussing our good mood. I’d like to regurgitate all that food Anything about her became totally lewd. She bragged of her daughters - were they really that good? When we were children, told us we’d never be like them We never wanted to be like those hurting us. Took our Dad’s affection, he also deserting us We never but finally saw that they were alerting us. She has attacked us screaming, screaming on end Never an explanation, never to end She stole money, stole sister too, not a lend. With this cruel treatment, we were not able to fend. I’ve never heard such venom in any human voice It seared through both my ears, such a hateful noise Those first twenty years were so very splendid But later with her actions - all was ended With her allotted time this is how she would spend it. Sister, affections stolen, obeying by fear Couldn’t counter with a mere Stand up to this freak of a Mother Dear Our baby sis had became her clay She would remake her through many a day. She owes us much, this lying thief No family tree would know, not even a leaf She stole and changed our beautiful blood Returned nothing except a bad bad flood Of making our names into family mud. She then gave out inimical messages The taunting that came from her mealy mouth From Damascus, that lousy mouse. Couldn’t discuss, but only scream What ever did she mean? We never knew what they said We never knew what they thought This Family into which father bought. Their apathetic “reasoning” I was never taught. Her daughters conscripted to the Mary core Following her words, her iron ore Inflated us with much heavy criticism To fill our sissa with a lack of witticism Lying, lying she always always hated us For twenty years, she consistently slated us For slaughter, just like little lambs Motherless, she took our little lamb She won, didn’t she in her sham? Her & dad really fated us God! their flim flam! She’d tackle anyone, anything in her path And she did, with her dreadful wrath. What powered this extremely devilish mind? She had never, ever been really kind. Our drunken father turned to her She was Goddess, he deemed Something While we were nothing, nothing, NOTHING! It didn’t happen till twenty years after From kindliness to hypocrisy, one would never believe. Our real selves never to retrieve. A sweet child, sissa, full of love Knew they were cold and she let us know After those years, sadly though Turned into another hateful bitch Forced to be like them, or else be ditched. Dad, dad, the precious Syrian lad Embraced the family gatherings that they had Youngest of the Ikmuks - he was mad Allowed them the desertion of our pad They could say anything, made it their fad. He wóuldn’t speak to them of their travesty Wanted to be Them, lest he be On the Outs as he married out of the Tribe Hardly now, when this happened, anyone alive. Didn’t tell them we should be there. Never defended us, never, never Always took their part like a mismatched lever. Gatherings went on, by the family Mare. All our lives had been spent with them. Change, girl, change, you’re just an Anglo fem. Sudden hate - my thoughts were dashed. I changed - they took all I had and smashed. They brought us into their sickly Ottoman lives They all acted as if we had the hives They, centuries‘ habit, it was the mid-1950’s why so old? They were too much, too much to behold We were stricken, treated as in days of old We would never be part of their mold [Mould?] Regular at Church. What kind of God could she worship? You know who should have been told? The Arab Bishop! The She-Devil not even relishing the Church script Eternally, she would always, rip, rip and then rip! But looking to those there who would serve her! She took all with a total fervor. No Communion, no worship, but her only feats To seek and add to the gossiping in the streets Afterward. When-Where everyone meets. Se enjoyed the Devil of Power over those she knew Few new. Only the rejected two. Mary, Mary full of Mace You never did achieve much grace Wish you could have finally Fallen on your greatly posed Face There’s really not going to be any space To explain your deadly race. But your race is good I speak from my part of that ”Other” You are and were a terrible, horrible mother You’re a crude example of this bountiful, Syrian race. Very few of them did see through your face. In that family I hardly gleaned this toxicity But, never, ever did I witness much felicity. But laughed and laughed about any Other Played well their acts as if they cared They knew Syrian-like we would not fare We, Dad and I- all fell for her snare. What think you, God, of these poor children How illy they thoroughly tilled them Two non-Arab daughters’ given bad repute Their shocking beliefs really made us mute All that came from her demented mind All that encountered Mary’s “kind” She destroyed our conception of self The hypocrisy will last, leaving what is left. She infiltrated us, her daughters, and my Sister That we were not as good as her - but no mister Had Uncle [our blood] lived, this would never have occurred. But Auntie [not our blood] surely had demurred. Her hooked-nose criticizing, and uneducated daughters. Psychologically--to us-- they joined in on these slaughters. Kindness for two decades to rent The motherless, but hiding that bad intent Taught her daughters: “Don’t be involved with them” We really do know some of what she did, or said, Her masque nearly hiding her evil bent. Too bad she didn’t return to her Syrian tent. Mary, Mary quite contrary How does your world work? You won, you won, you dirty, ignorant, piece of work You demanded respect from all of us, treacherous She got it, didn’t know it, then she brought down the two of us Sneaky, low-life, hypocrite witch We always thought we had a niche But lost kids like us did never snitch We wouldn’t, didn’t open up about that bitch. We had a comfort zone with her However stolen, deserted at last by her flying fur Stolen, deserted at last by Dad--that foul mister Stolen, deserted lastly by our little sister This left us changed by this She-Devil Would that there’d be a way to counter her evil We couldn’t - she was always far too strong An ISIS for us - this would last too long. After these years, I could not grow Was I a real woman - I didn’t know! Being a mother couldn’t show That Family created a list of woe. When Sissa had a mom to help We did all alone and that we felt. Her faulted hatred never did melt. I didn’t know how to take a stance Nor could I find out how to advance. Their crazy attack at us motherless kids Cemented, fragmented, affected our kids Hurt generations even sissa’s kids. After these actions, I took twice pills Never mind, I lived, but my mind was ill I couldn’t fathom this sudden treatment What on earth had spawned this sort of entrapment? Our husband found it hard to understand That old woman and her frosty demand Hubbie would talk to her and offered this I said, no, don’t go, knowing her list He’d get nowhere against her fist Of serious beliefs that belie her “against-us” Her plan to hurt really offenced us Hatred that only came from Mary A good word ever for us? Never! Nary. Five wicked women in that Family house One, now, without a spouse They all suffered many deaths, Multiple Dementias made them lame God took a hand in changing their fame Nothing else did they have to their claim to name All, all, gathered closely together Against us two sisters - we as powerful as a feather To down us-why? Our non-importance? Forced to take that ill-begotten stance. Their actions were to be a painful lance. Once, a welfare mother, taking turns Sucking welfare dollars and from our Dad, Each of them, devils that would turn to worms His name? I can call you a cad, Dad, There is no name for this woman gone mad. This left us in a weary longstanding forest An unbelief--living again--the early mommy losses The motherless do not think like others Would that there could be kinder mothers Mothers only care for their own We witnessed this “Mother’s” cruel foam Coming from her negligent tongue Always, mouthing, potent as a gun Making fun of us - oh did she ever have fun! Free of guile, not for us that wicked way Treacherous, and it would continue all the way That could, did happen, would happen in their day. They spewed out the long-gone Ottoman way. This really happened in our lives. Impossible to award them the High Fives! They were so obvious in their family glee But they never were to make us free Snakes they were, and Snakes they will be For forbidding our presence on the Family Tree. This motherless child saw twenty years blown away What had I done? What/who made them this way? This screaming hatred pounded into my soul It would hurt me forever till I was old Became something I verily could not process There were much too much and many losses. For this, there would never be a recess. No process nor forgiveness for them at best. Fifty years of being an outcast Just like eons of Arab women in the past These feelings pester, and would mainly last Left me bare of any Syrian past Just like the Ottoman thinking that represented them Their old-time thinking would cause much mayhem They came from afar, to destroy our Bethlehem. I felt shame at what I thought they thought Who was I now, something nobody had bought? They bought my sissa, she took it in I would never forget their cardinal sin Of treating us so inhumanely, I couldn’t know Where their thinking took them, it was so low. This motherless child still feels the embers Of those horrible, horrible family members She cannot do but all she remembers Is they cut her selfhood into little shreds And will feel it, live it, until she’s dead. You disgusting foreigner, coming here To destroy, control, adding untold fear Take my family, keep them near Seeing your mask face, your nasty leer We hope your soul would land in Hell For you institute nothing --as a human being, YOU REALLY FELL! Carol Rae Bradford, M.Ed., author Mayflower Arab: A Memoir and other Writings Second book, a novel, on the way Protest Writer voicing concerns toward the Palestinians See my poem: The Parasite Sun & Mon April 11 to April 12 @ 10am, April 14, 7:00-10:30 am, 2015.