Half Believer

Religion means a lot of things for a lot of people. For me, it means none of those. For me, it means the guise of protection. A paper shield against a monsoon. I pray to a God I only half believe in. I curse a devil I only half believe in. Because if the heavens and hell were real, Because if the earth was always as messy as it is now... The Bible lied. God lost. I still pray when I need a favor. I still thank Him when something good happens. But all of it is for a God who doesn't, can't, listen. But all of it is to add more paper to my shield. False hope in a God who doesn't care. But I care. So I keep my head up, looking to the heavens, And I pray. I pray for things that won't happen, And if they do, I say I'll take it as proof. Proof of His existence, proof of His love. But I never do. Hard to love a God you only half believe in. Hard to hate a devil you only half believe in. Hard to trust a bible you see as a liar.