Happiness

I was 16 years old when I met Happiness

I looked him into his eyes and saw his soul and my heart was sure

this is your destiny but I was shy I didn't even know how to say  

hi every time he walked by my palms got sweaty,my heart was racing

and my brain cells contemplating...so i just looked the other way.

They say good things come to those who wait.

and that must be true because years later I met Happiness again

this time around I was more mature so I was ready..I mean this is mine I just need to get it

So as you would have it..Happiness and I became friends.

His voice was sweet and his smile made me weak..

I'm happy..I'm happy..this is it..when our bodies greet it was surreal..

was i still alive or did Happiness take me beyond the skies..

I was drowning I never wanted to be saved..

I've dreamt of this moment for years

so don't you dare tell me that he isn't my happiness and I can't find happiness in him

but within me, take that and leave. 

As time passed happiness changed

he was like a stranger in my house with mood swings of sorrows and pain..

one would think that I should take my pride and leave but happiness had me..

I couldn't face the reality of life without happiness 

I preferred to drown in my own emotions.

aah yes the feels the feels..I just can't give up this feeling..

Happiness became a drug I was so fixated on his love..

I want to be set free but I crave his captivity.

Happiness wants to leave.Wait. No. Please. Stay.

I'll make things right  I'll make the bed in the mornings if that makes everything alright

but he walks through that door and out of my life

he has ran his course and says it's time to say good bye.

I'm drowning in despair...I need air.. I need air.

you're leaving with a part of me that's very unfair.

As I pull myself together and stand i'm face to face with my reflection..

I see the kink in my hair and through the pain I see the beauty behind my tears

I hear the sweet voice of Maya Angelou.

I am a woman.. phenomenally. Phenomenal woman that's me. 

You see happiness comes from within  

I create my own destiny and I determine my serenity. 

So as I brush off my insecurities

I decide to dive into forgiveness.. but forgiveness for me..

because that's the first step..

I must first forgive myself for overlooking my own desires to please you instead.

Then I quenched this aching pain with love..

because now i must love myself again..

so with forgiveness and love I walk away from my mistakes

and I walk into strength, peace and freedom.

And it was in those moments  that I found true Happiness..

it was in the beauty of my eyes, the curve of my smile,

the circumference of my hips and the way I walk with my head held high.

I'm a bundle of courage and determination and I am destined for greatness without limitation.

And my heart, my heart is willing and pure and with all that I feel secure. 

All along I thought happiness was a man,

maybe you think it's a car or square of land.

But Happiness is intangible, it can't be touched it can only be felt.