Hard

Elena,

I've never really called you that before.

It's been hard getting to know you

Because of all the pushing and shoving we do, 

To each other, to others,

We even did it to our brother.

It's weird to think we've lived in the same house for so many years, and yet,

I'm just starting to learn about each of your fears. 

I don't understand how I can know all about you,

Your birthday, your favorite color, your middle name, 

But not for a moment did I realize how much you were going through.

It's hard growing, not knowing,

Not knowing if you liked me or wanted me,

Knowing you were bored by each and every story. 

I mean you're my sister, but it's like I missed her.

Missed a girl that I didnt even know, missed a girl that didn't show.

Mami says when I was born, you were so excited.

She said you prayed every night for a baby because this wanting fire was ignited.

 And I don't know what changed, but that mood went missing.

Instead of loving me, you stopped listening. 

Then your first daughter came, and You became my best friend. Along with her,

A new person was born. 

Elena, you always existed, it was hard to admit it, but when she arrived,

You persisted. 

You opened up and allowed your self to breathe,

Knowing I was there in case you needed me.

I wanted to say, yeah, it was hard.

It was hard waiting.

It was hard praying.

It was hard knowing you weren't even playing.

Playing the part of my sister and friend, but I was always going to be there,

Always on your end.

And now, after everything that's happened,

Our life picture of being sister and sister, can be captioned:

It was hard, but I'm still here.

From Your Sister