Hard to by Lenniahelen

I find it hard to believe that I am loved.

well, I know that I am loved... but am i loved?

loved enough for you to pick me over someone else?

for you to stick with me on my side rather than someone else?

For you to choose

choose me like you're in Charlotte Russe deciding to get shorts or shoes.

do you love me enough so that i can trust?

Nah you can't love me that much,

i'll open up and guess what?

you'll take the puzzle of my heart and mess it up.

Have me feeling crazy... not psycho tho

But i'll put myself on my own death row,

suffering day in and day out.

Because i thought you were about

all about me and my well-being

but i wasn't seeing. 

Because what you did to me made me walk with my head down

and flashing stubborn frowns

Seeing darkness

now we're spark-less

And it's all my fault because i bought

i bought the lies you sold me and 

now i'm broke,

No more money.

I've gone bankrupt.

Because i believed the lies from you that i wasn't enough.  

but you weren't even selling 

i just took it upon myself to buy them 

cutting my stem. 

My stem of confidence,

my petals of life falling, 

but my leaves of strife 

they stay and they stay and cling to my soul.

Failing to make me whole

i have these cavities that expected you to fill,

but that’s what killed 

Killed my hopes, my trust.

But never again, 

I refuse to do that anymore with you

My new life begins 

Begins today with me accepting that you can’t help me

 Only I can do that.

Today I make myself free

Free of you and your freedom,

the freedom I gave you to scar.

But you are the scar that made me better.

So I thank your havoc 

Because that happiness you had

Now I have that.