Hate

I hate seeing you upset
Almost as much as I hate thinking about my grandmother all damn day.
I hate seeing the pressures of life frustrate you.
Probably because I think in want to spend the rest of my life with you
I hate knowing what to say and how to say it
But knowing that you don't want to hear it.
From me at least.

I wish for my mind to be free
Loose itself from your grip.
And push away any inkling
Any hints of love for you
Because right now I'm in two. 
Divided by my dreams and my realities
Where my dreams wish desperately to caress your mind with such vigor and vitality
But my reality knows that it can't be.
Where my dreams want nothing more,
Than to feel the warm embrace of your voice. 
The sound of your giggle. 

I hate being so damn quite all the time.
Never allowing my thoughts to seep out from the pores of mind.
Causing me to miss out  every single time.
A back and forth struggle.
A steady rewind until I find the right words to say. 
The right words that won't give away my position
That won't tell how I truly feel.