Hate

She dreamed of that feeling Where ithe feels like your stomach is being torn out And your hearts about to burst And your mind is melting oUT your mouth is a series of Jumbled words that are supposed to mean I love you And she didn't know Nor did she care About how much it would hurt And she would write about boys and how she wanted to Hold their hand And the anticipation alone kept her awake at night She dreamed about the way he strummed his guitar How the words he said limited but sweet yet The words he wrote were endless And she wondered if any songs were really about her And she didn't know North did she care How much this boy would change her life In good and bad ways And she would write about his eyes and how he hugged her that day And the beauty of it all kept her awake at night She dreamed the night after of how the other boy Forced the first kiss and touched her while She was drunk for the first time and her friend Was passed out in a corner and didn't seem to care And she didn't know Nor did she care The reason why she let that boy take what he had But she knew it was her fault and she was a whore and a pice of trash and she hated herself for it And the anguish of it all kept her awake at night She dreamed of something that would take away the pain Something that would fill her lungs or seep into her bloodstream And attack the sadness and keep her number for a while A break from the constant thoughts of knives in her direction And she didn't know Nor did she care How these foreign substances affected her body In good and bad ways But she let it all in and for a moment it did take her away And the euphoria kept her awake at night She dreamed about weather she'd ever feel what she dreamed of Again Weather it was just a kid thing she had grown out of Weather it really existed Weather that first guitar strumming boy still remembered she existed And she didn't know Nor did she care That crying herself to sleep every night only made her feel That much higher worthless And she was worth so much more to that boy than she could even imagine But the hopelessness of it all kept her awake at night She didn't dream much anymore because she was out nearly every night With some sleasy shadow who filled up her voids with fake love And in return received her body for a single night And she didn't know Nor did she care Why she would be so sad when they touched her And why she was doing this at all, why she felt she deserved it But she wrote about how she had only become an object And the constant plans to leave her house at 1 am I guess Kept her up at night She dreamed about what the guitar strumming boy had said That he felt this certain way and he didn't just like her Body or her face he He found something within her that made her more human And she didn't know But if she had, she would care That hed felt this way for so long But she had become a hollow body Nothing but walls And she wrote about how much she hated herself for not letting herself feel the same way back And the self hatred kept her up at night