hate to love like this

i hate that i have to put shit into poetry and i can't just say what i want. but you already know that ab me, just like you know a lot of things ab me tht i only want you to know and i don't want another person to have to discover. i want to be w you i want to make us work. i hate that you have to lie to your parents and i hate living in an environment where i do not feel safe to tell the truth to ppl without being scared of what they'll do in response. you ask me "why" and i don't know so i tend to cry. i want to express my feelings but i don't want you to not be mine. "it's a mental problem, it's all in your head," then why did i lay in my bed thinking of ways to keep you, instead? on top of all of this, there's so much that i love, that makes me forget the rest of everything i just said. i love how our relationship is the best i've ever had, and i love how you make me feel like myself again. i love our silly convos and our long calls. i love hearing you say you love me, even after i've done something wrong. i love the audio messages you send and even when i'm left with your voicemail, you're always the one in my head. i love every place we've been and i'd do everything again, even if i was "just a friend." i love how i could be anywhere in the world, and i'd still want to be with you- i hate that though, too. because it's dumb to spend all your love in one place, but i wouldn't want it any other way. i don't know the point i'm trying to make, so maybe this is a waste of time, but it occupies too much space in my mind.