Haunted
If I hadn’t listened
If I hadn’t had faith
If I hadn’t changed
I would believe you
Once upon a time, I too believed all people meant well
That happiness could be found in any situation
If one were to look for it…
I believed that his words were full of truth
Just because I had no reason not to
We were happy because I believed
We were happy because I was deceived
In the beginning, my hair
Short and elegant
Was my favorite feature
He even told me
That it suited my personality
“Bubbly and petite”
Months had passed, and he wanted a change
“My parents are traditional”
So I followed
And my hair hang
It was only hair
It didn’t define me
A small sacrifice
In the name of spoken love
Then it was
“What a useless skill”
“Art has no place in the real world”
And I was off
To a school of robots
“Money is the game”
“A game you must play smart”
I guess I could see
I had said
This is what we both want
Boxes of dreams lied in the shed
Miles high of “wasted time”
Seas of “perishable ideas”
He made feel as if my eyes were open
He had painted a fantasy world
On the hands that blinded me
“Our life can be better”
Though I was never enough
Better would never come
The first time
The night it began
He walked to me as I was in the door
Blue paint on my jeans
I reached in for a kiss
He reached in for my hair
Red
Black
And Blue
I would never get the stains out
People might misunderstand if they saw
I became an expert makeup artist
A clown
“You should be thinking about our future”
“No time to fool around with useless hobbies”
“You’re being selfish”
“Everything I do is for us”
He had me thinking he was taking care of us
That what he was doing was healthy
And that I was holding us back
That I was the one that was cruel
“I do this..
because I love you”
He knew those were the words that would fool me
“Because I love you”
I force you to style your hair in a way you dislike
“Because I love you”
I strip you of the very thing you love most
“Because I love you”
I destroy everything you want in life
I make you feel as if you will never please me
And strike you for disobeying my wishes
Because I loved him…
I willingly accepted
So when I run from your affection
When I cower in your good spirit
When I turn away from your welcoming hand
It’s because I have been face-to-face with the master of disguise
A man who had precise movements
Exact words
To hold me under his spell
To have me live under his control
To be his puppet
And his magic words have tainted my image of true love
So when you hold me when I cry
When you encourage my dreams and passions
When you respect my personal space
When you tell me repeatedly that you will never leave me despite my flaws
And when I ask why…
I am haunted by the conflicted meaning of the words
“Because I love you…”