on having and overcoming - Mental Illness

Why do I fear you?

You are irrelevant in the grand scheme

Of things

Because I know you are not an ally.

You who tells me

they’re laughing at you

When I pass a group of my peers in the hall.

You who makes me check

That one switch over

And over

And over

Even though I’ve already checked it

Three times before.

You who refuses to let me sit comfortably,

Who makes every doubt bloom,

Who plays that one song I hate on repeat during a test.

You!

You are a part of me,

Yet you are not me.

You are a stubborn little demon

Who perches on my shoulder and gives me these ridiculous thoughts.

You are covered with color

And you’re incessantly distracting

With your shiny scales and twittering voice.

oh look at me, i’m so pretty!

You sing like a songbird,

But I know you are little better than a centipede;

Your words certainly as toxic as its bite

And your feathers feel like many millions of legs

Slithering up my spine.

You.

Insolent,

Angry,

Arrogant.

I do not want to fear you.

So I will not.

I will swallow your voice whole,

I will push and I will shove you out of my mind--

It’s mine, not yours!--

I will drown your words out with medicine,

I will fight until you go silent.

It’s either you or me,

And I like the sound of my own voice

Far more

Than I like yours.