Having an attack

Why does this always happen Am I meant to be happy? Are you punishing me? I've learned my lesson I'm having an attack I never thought about what ifs Till everything came crashing down Now everything is a what if I'm having an attack Should I make a move first? Should I be the one who ends everything before it begins? Should I wait and see if he is the one? The one who finally proves me wrong The one who says sweet words and means them The one who won't lie to me The one who keeps his promises The one who won't act out The one who will stay by my side I'm having an attack I can't go through this again.... I can't show my family how I feel If it goes south.... I'm never showing my face to them again.... I would have to move.. I'm having an attack.... I can't think this way again ... Not again.... I'm having an attack....