A Haze of Power Struggle

You took everything colorless in me

Tried to make it shine with glitter and school glue

And everything fresh and exotic

That I had worked so hard to allow

you made look like a painted black sheep

That was never the problem

Popular music and fast food

Cars that were not mine in parking lots

Solid colors and “no, you choose”

That was never the problem

Late night “ jogs” in the rain

Calling them to talk about you

Comforters, frozen through

I wish I could convince myself it was about you

I wish I could convince myself to see things through

Clouds spilling, out of lips out of mouths

Build myself up to knock myself down

All the hands and words are rollercoasters

Get as high as you can on Him,

Then let yourself drift and fall back down

And the preacher’s yelling

And I don’t feel anything at all

I know my righteousness is falling

Oh baby I know, it was never

about you at all

When the redwood tree sways

The others do too

Can you see them swaying

All around the room?

Roots thin, intertwined, will they all fall too?

Baby I don’t know how to heal

As quickly as I used to

Thin new skin on guitar strings

But no, you’ve shown me so callous and cold

It’s so confusing to be both young and old

Oh, the preacher’s yelling

And I know I should be feeling because I’ve done it all

Was it never was about you?

When you lose your grip, babe, tell me

Is there really anything to do but fall? You make me fall

In a hypothetical next time I’ll stay the same

In a next time neither of us, even I, will not sway

It took me too long to realize the power you had and the love you didn’t

Love should be a beautiful non-power struggle

Not your stiffness, shining over the dimness you made me