He Found a Diamond, a Big-Ass Diamond

He found a diamond, an uncut diamond

worth millions, the answer to his problems.

"Well," he thought, "I shouldn't get carried away,"

so he got carried away.  He charted a helicopter,

he leased a limousine, he rescued his mother

from the daycare, his father from the forklift,

he bought his grandma's dentures, his sister

a double-wide trailer, paid his brother's

child support, he replaced his aunt's hips,

he took a flight to space, lived on Park Place,

he built homeless shelters, he took a cruise,

he ate bison, ate python, drank tiger's blood,

he got his teeth fixed, he got a face-lift,

he took advantage of Gay for Pay, loved 

getting something extra for little cost, 

he bought valets for vowels, he courted

consonants, he pimped-out prepositions,

he conceived conjunctions, pardoned fragments, 

he wasted water, made his mark on a beach, 

"This is all mine, mine, this is all mine, mine,"

then he watched all his dreams wash away

when he heard, "It's windshield glass," the jeweler 

in the mall says, "Worthless windshield glass."