He Will Know When He Sees This

To you,

              You know who you are,

so dare I write your name? Dare I continue writing?

I dare because that is what you taught me to do.

              “Dream on, dream big, never be subpar,”

was all you ever said while smiling.

Listening was easy because that was all I knew.

              Who are you to say that I will be going far?

You’re busy behind me, my wrists you’re tying,

but do remember that I do not belong to you.

              “Sorry” over and over leaves our conversations ajar,

open to revival but now only ever dying.

The worth is gone for a word or two.

              Bottles full of sparkle have sparkled into shards

and became lackluster pieces never shining.

The sweet rosé turns rose and sizzles as it pools.

              Diamond over gold as precious as a star,

glistening with guilt so horrifying

like no one should ever say no to you.

              Lives were built like buildings but marred

and burnt away to leave our grounds frying.

The fires are extinguished and our flames were left to few.

              Half of me merging with half your heart

birthed painful disdain and perpetual crying,

loving, bruised souls clung to one another as they grew.

              Our destinies are intertwined but twine breaks apart,

and you try to mend it, but why are you still trying?

Just let it go, just let it all loose.

              You are the mad one with a fidgety cigar,

three houses, and a fast car you’re never driving,

so take yourself out and leave me to what I do.

              Sit me upright as I write my memoir

with you as the evil I am always fighting.

My writing forms my weapon, but will you take that, too?

              No one would ever guess who you are,

so I dare write your name, and I dare to keep writing.

I dare because that was what you taught me to do.

All my love,

Jana