Head swells

The only thing that makes me happy is being with someone

anyone

my biggest fear is being alone

When I’m alone in my house is one thing 

but when I’m alone in a foreign place or when I’m alone altogether is when I get anxious

I just can’t stand it

It’s like I’m drowning in my own thoughts and I can’t think about anything else because my brain is so full of things that make my head swell

Like the bad things and the good things and all of the things that have ever happened to me 

It’s all just 

There

And the only thing I can do to relax my self is 

Be with

Someone 

Someone that can comfort me just by being there

Someone who can help me with my problems

someone that can see through the swells in my brain and find the clog that is blocking my whole life from passing through

It makes me sad

Those times when One of those someone’s is never there

Not on my contacts

Not on my Snapchat

Not on my instagram 

It makes me feel like I have never ever been wanted in the world

Like I have nothing but my dogs to live for

Like every thought I’ve ever had 

Is making my head swell

And when my head swells, I can’t sleep

I lay restless in bed

I just 

Break down

And for all those times that I break down

It adds one more thing to the list of shit to dislike myself for

The second that I’m able to get a thought in my head 

I think about you

And I suddenly remember 

That I’m not alone