Heart to Heart

To my future self, 

Do you even exist? 

I cannot imagine you do.

I am broken and defeated and can no longer go on. 

Loneliness is slowly killing me.

I cannot survive in my own head and I cannot escape it. 

Did you finally have the strenghth to pull the trigger or are you still a coward? 

Are you still running away from your fate? 

Clinging desperately to any shred of hope you can find? 

Our idealism has only taken us so far. 

We both know that resistence is futile

We have been overpowered many times before.

Or did things get better? 

Did you manage to contain the beasts inside our heads? 

I have been trying for years

I'd like to think I succeeded at some point.

Did you stop feeling the crushing weight of nothingness and loneliness? 

Maybe you even found someone who is willing to stay with you despite your defective mental health.

It is hard to stay hopeful

Which is why I'm reaching out

Please tell me you are there 

Sincerely, 

Yourself