Heart Pains

People say that going to college with a boyfriend is a bad idea,

that being in college with them is too hard

but I never had to deal with that.

I never experienced the harsh regret  

of breaking up with a first love

I didn’t tell my best friend that I didn’t want to see him again.

I didn’t make him cry,

and I did not kiss him goodbye.

When I was sitting in my small dorm room

staring at the white walls,

I never wondered if I had made a huge mistake:

Was I pressured into doing it?

Did college force us apart?

Did friends get in the way?

I never questioned myself at 2 am

when I couldn’t fall asleep.

When my friends were busy,

I wasn’t lonely and on the verge of calling my ex,

never wanted anyone to cuddle with

in the dark days of winter.

Nor did I ever experience wishing

that I could see him one last time.

I didn’t ever miss someone so much that it hurt,

and I did not wish that I could go back in time

to change it all.

I never thought of our memories together, holding

your beat up t-shirt,

while crying myself to sleep.

When I was in college, I was single.

I wasn’t lonely or sad,

or filled with heartbreak.

I never had to leave my other half,

and I didn’t have one day of regret.