Heart Self Destructive

Lost soul.... I’m a lost soul... I've been fighting in a war for so long sometimes it shows, It’s the battle scar that I now have that haunts me that left a toll; Sometimes my mind criss-cross on thoughts I rather not think of Hope these feelings bypass like a common cold before I reveal how I really feel Then drowning in a pool of regret; I got my feet READY but I’m not SET to GO... Dddon’t sound that gun I know I got my feet ready but my legs refuse to run. The feeling if I move that's how I loose...changing the present changing what's now that's how I finish in last... (I know it) I know I had to work up a sweat because my heart is beating so fast, You swore it was prisoner in my own mess that deserve better than my bodily flesh is providing it; I don't blame my heart if it quit, (maybe banish) or tore its own self to bits, (Heart self destructive) I can feel about to explode but how when it’s so ice cold? Sometimes I have to press my hands against my chest to see if it’s still there; I can be ruthless in my own way and not care I don't understand how other people can bear me being me; I don't think twice when people start to flee from me, I might just stare and think good, you finally see what I been seeing for years in the mirror; This is not pity but my actuality of my reality that keeps blankly staring back at me...