Heart vs. Mind

Dear Ethan,

I miss you.

I hate you.

I hate you because I miss you.

I miss your curly hair.

I miss the way you smile at me.

I even miss the hurt I feel when you leave,

                                       at least that means you were here.

I hate you for leaving for good.

It kills me everyday.

How can you kill me and live three hundred miles away.

How can you make me feel so little by doing nothing.

How could you leave when you promised you’d stay.

You told me “I do love you”

You said it when I was afraid.  

You lied to a trusting person,

Now I can’t trust myself.

I miss you.

I hate you.

But I’m done with you.

My brain fears my heart.  They tear me apart.  It’s all because of you.