Heartbeat

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 16:24 -- Ani

The transcript: 

Heartbeat 

I told the world all I needed was ink in my veins 
Because emotion is my life-blood 
If I can’t feel, I can’t function 
And the words clot in my arteries 
It is the chemical x in the equation of every heartbeat that shot through Jesus’ veins 
As He agonized on the Cross
‘Cuz love is like this: 
It’s the knife that cooks meals and stabs you in the chest 
It’s your worried mom’s words when she screams at you 
And the look on her face the day you told her you hated her. 
Or maybe you don’t hate her
Because hate is like this: 
It’s the churning of a sky that can’t decide to sun or snow 
And you to laugh or cry 
It’s the curses you yell inside 
When you’re standing on a street corner
Cold 
And none of the cars stop to help you 
And you wonder 
That if you jumped 
If your blood would pour out in the road 
The way you pour out your soul to someone who refuses to love you 
‘Cuz pain is like this: 
It’s the suffering of a wife caring for the disabled man that abused her 
It’s the grief of Philip Seymour Hoffman’s children when all he wanted was one last fix
It’s the moment your lover 
Slams your fist into his chest and twists with a look that says: 
“This is what you’ve done to me.” 
And world I never cry 
But for you I’ve shed enough tears to make me the siren and you the sailor 
And sometimes even the other way around 
Because you are the fuel for the letters I write that keep us from 
Destroying each other 
Because my love for you is like this: 
It’s the chemical x in my chemistry and yours 
It’s that my hospital scars match the ones on your heart 
It’s the way I promised God that if He wanted 
I’d mark the door to Oblivion with a sign that reads, 
“Do Not Disturb” 
And fade with you in the cosmos where one plus one equal zero
Because zero is what I’d be without you
Without the calligraphy in my veins the nothingness will euthanize my soul
So I’m beggin’ you, 
Please
Please! 
Always 
Make me feel 
Like 
This.

 

About the poem: 

My dream job: Writing. The ability to create for a living would be the highest honor and blessing I 

can imagine -- for me, it would be like photosynthesis: living off my own mind. I have always 

wanted to hold positive influence in this world; writing to inspire, especially spiritually, is what I endeavor to do with my life: my goal is to help as many people as possible in as many ways as possible.  In order to meet this end I want to study theology, writing, and (possibly) social work in college.  I plan to take part in community service projects as well (and, if I can, try to create some!)

If the ideal dream comes to pass, I will one day be a famed authoress, and, as Jk Rowling did, I
 
will donate as much of my income as possible to charity, and maybe one day, God willing, start a
 
fund of my own! 
 
 
This video was taken at UMass Boston's Student Day of Poetry  (March 21st) by a friend. It was the
 
open mike and I had to give performing a shot! 
 

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