heartbreak

I saw you,

sitting in the chair

across the room.

When i think of you,

i begin to cry

because i can see the other part of you,

Where has that part gone?

I try my hardest to focus my attention somewhere else,

but your where my mind sits all day long.

maybe i stare because:

I love you

i believed you

or maybe because

you're my first heartbreak

When i think of it,

you brought me into your life, your world

and now,

it's not even worth it to live.

You were my superhero.

You saved me from the negativity,

all we needed was a smoke,

or maybe just to run away from it all.

Our lives were horrible,

And i felt that we saved eachother.

But now,

Its "Awkward for us to talk"

why does it have to be that way?

i remember the first day we met,

the first time i actually noticed you,

the first time we talked,

The first time we kissed,

but now its gone.

i can feel something in my heart,

a missing piece,

I tried to fill it with another person

But you are the one i need.

I poured my heart out to everyone,

But when you told me not to

take those pills,

I felt love,

I felt trust,

It felt so amazing,

The way i thought we understood eachother.

where has it all gone?

the way we dont talk about this,

I feel that we should.

the way we dont laugh together anymore.

It brings me to tears,

i cant eat anymore,

I try to smoke so i can remember -

All those days with you.

I know that my parents dont like you,

but im not going to leave you

just like everyone else.

You need someone in your life to stick by your side,

And im trying to be that person.

Because we can be enemies,

but in my heart you will always

be my friend.

And i will keep fighting for you to

be my friend.

Because thats all you were to me.

Now i might sound desperate,

but this is just one broken heart,

and there are more to come.

Im easily confused,

and you just confuse me more,

because you never established anything.

What are we now?

Friends?

Enemies?

Nothing, just strangers?

Im tired of guessing.

the other day,

I sent you and everyone

Suicide notes.

You didn't reply,

it felt like you were a stranger,

almost as if you didnt care about me.

And now what?

What do you want me to do?

All im doing is waiting,

but what for?

My life seems like nothing,

It feels thrown away, 

and you arent there to help me.

dont worry its not your responsibility,

Its mine,

but my choice isnt so pleasant.

this choice wont be because of you,

Its what ive done

trying to believe you.