Heartbreak

Heartbreak 

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock 

The clock, I see it move, but no time passes 

Time feels frozen, but I know the world elapses 

Time has stopped, memories of her flashes 

Why couldn’t I have been the guy? 

Never fated to be together 

Wish I knew before we tethered 

Wish that tether never weathered 

No longer birds of a feather 

Thought our lives were getting better 

Not in agreeance, thinking you could improve 

I don’t blame you for this thought 

Afterall, what the hell do I got? 

Nothing anymore, it’s been stripped of me 

My ass indefinitely indebted to me 

It took my life, it took my girl 

Why can’t God just take me from this world 

There’s nothing left, I have no motivation 

To prove to her I can move above my station 

As I left, I know she felt elation 

As the cops threatened me with probation 

She smiled as she got to see me go 

I only wanted to know what she knows 

Why did this happen?  

It can’t be true 

To blame it on drugs I hadn’t used 

She wanted to escape conveniently 

Broke my heart, no, not tenderly 

Not a second goes by, my mind constantly after 

The reason that I no longer mattered 

To her, I had been released 

To live like a vulture, picking at people's feet 

Instead of sucking on her teat 

That’s a job the next man will do 

It won’t be long until there’s someone new 

Of this I know, unfortunately it won’t be me 🙁 

Words spoken don’t come easy for me 

Words written allow me the opportunity 

To think before I speak, but this was not enough 

Always in a rush 

Pushing me away with her words spoken 

Hatred towards me palpable, like heat from an oven 

Ours got such little use 

The weekly pork loin to fill the muse 

Routine with her did not attract 

Always looking for the next act 

Someone above my mediocrity 

Trying to chase away the fear of monotony 

Or monogamy? 

I think it was the pay grade that drove her away 

As my account dwindled each day 

Routine is what keeps an addict's addiction at bay 

Not drinking at bars almost everyday 

This did not matter, she did not care 

No preventative measures ever taken there 

Thrown in my face, then judged upon intake 

Perhaps, we were both in too dark a place 

To make it work, we would have had to try harder 

Sacrifices I made, she would never bother 

For she was the perfect Primadona 

Life goes on, we move farther 

The chasm each day grows much larger 

Was hoping to lessen that 

After Saturday’s act 

There’s no turning back 

Can’t believe I’m still unblocked 

Only reason I imagine, is to build a case against me now 

Praying each day, I get thrown back to the compound 

Of which I’ve been, and not much liked 

You’d have me stay there for my life 

What I did, I do not know 

For this has been your goal for as long as I’ve known 

This year, I admittedly slipped 

But before that, what had I done to deserve this? 

Each chance you got; you took for granted 

Waiting mere days, before you supplanted 

Me for another man, refusal to answer me 

When asked about your whereabouts 

It’s 5 am, where could you be? 

There’s only one place, his house you see 

This is the thought I lived with for four years 

Mind constantly racing from the fears 

Instilled into me by your negligence 

Refusing to give me even the smallest semblance 

Of respect, to show I ever mattered 

Why couldn’t you just change this bad habit? 

Because alcohol always came first 

If I brought this up, better give you a wide birth 

Glass houses shattered always leave a trace 

Traces always thrown in my face 

You constantly parade yourself 

Out till dawn, it does not matter 

For only David is at home, who cares 

He must be up at six 

She'll stumble in somewhere thereabouts 

To think your behavior did not wear 

Me down, knowing the rumors spreading around 

I tried to ignore, but my face would be slapped 

Hearing rumors about my girlfriend got back 

Although, this year you made improvements 

The damage was done, and I was using 

You didn’t care you were part of the cause 

Only that I take pause 

But not because you worried for me 

Because you were not included in my misery 

I tried to exclude you, but you didn’t like it 

Thinking my lies had a financial backing 

This is wrong, that didn’t matter 

I couldn’t live with taking you down after 

I took down myself, this is my pattern 

Recycling itself after five earth passes 

Maybe, I should check my glasses 

For I couldn’t see what was directly in front of me 

The good and the bad, I never flattered 

The idea of leaving you at all 

Especially bruised and battered 

You know this to be fact 

What is up with all this act? 

I can’t tell yet if your goal is just to leave me 

Or to leave me shattered? 

Either way, both you’ve accomplished 

Haven’t you gathered? 

My heart is broken, yes, it is shattered 

Trying to pick up the pieces now 

Did I ever matter? 

This kind of internal chatter only makes me madder 

My mind races day and night 

No longer calmed by weed’s delight 

For being sober, means everything must cease 

Dear Lord, help me find some peace 

I just wish time wouldn’t come to halt 

This is so hard, and it’s both of our faults 

Only I will take the blame 

Having to live with the shame 

Being escorted from my home by police 

Because you told everyone I beat 

Such a lie, such a lie 

How did you get all this by? 

Never have I laid a finger on you 

I have however, seen the look in your eye 

As the knife in your hand inches closer 

I can see you thinking, should I kill this poser? 

Yes, this happened, it was real 

And still, I stuck around, because of my Leal 

Towards you, I loved you so much 

Willing to hang around after all of the fuss 

You cheated on me so many times 

Then spun it all around 

I am the one who tells lies 

I never laid a hand on you 

Nor would I ever 

If only you could’ve stuck to that pact 

You beat on me at least five times, looking back 

Sandwiched between 300 incidents you won’t easily remember 

You’ve blocked them out it seems 

Possibly thinking they were only dreams 

This is not the case however, in fact you took much pleasure 

In making sure I was kept in my place 

At home alone, guarding the base 

Lying awake, but not awaiting pleasure 

Wondering if this is night, you’ll come untethered 

Getting home intoxicated 

Looking for someone to place your blame in 

Me, an innocent bystander, who placated 

I took it all, and took it well 

Only leaving you behind a few short hours 

Before I’d return, because I’m a coward 

Your years of abuse took a toll on me 

Turning me into you, and you into me 

For you have improved, and I’ve only worsened 

If only you loved me, you’d help me straighten my courses 

As I did for you, when you were weathered 

This is the first challenging times I’ve faced since we’ve known  

And in a matter of months; you’ve flown 

Far from the nest, only it was me not you 

Tearing apart the glue 

That held us together, You and I 

No longer together forever