To: My Heartbreaker

I've had a lot on my mind, and if I hold it in any more,
I think I'm going to burst.
You don't know this but

It hurts, you know,
Wanting to open your mouth
Wanting to explain
But having nothing come out.
Instead, it's locked inside, getting busier by the minute
Destroying rationality, saniy, everything about me
And all I can do is sit there
Waiting for you to say something
Hoping for you to do something
Something, somehow, some way
To unbury the dead weight holding me down
Anything to make me turn sane.
But you don't
But you can't
And I'm left here feeling it all,
And nothing at all.

It hurts, you know,
Wanting to be everything you need
All that you need
And instead, I'm the one needing you
The one draining you
The one destroying you.
I'm a hurricane when all I want to be is at least the eye of the storm
Calm, serene, perfect amongst a world of desolation,
Words I will never be
Words that cannot describe me.

It hurts, you know,
When you hurt me
There are things you do that break me more than I'd like to admit.
Just when I thought I was fully back together again,
Everything turns to shit
You are breaking me.
It's like you're a glazier
Working with glass, taking out its sharp edges
Making it beautiful
Less flawed, less raw
Less me.
And in the process you try to succeed but you break the pieces just like you break me
Then I break myself even more.

It hurts, you know.
Because it feels like we're fighting an empty battle,
Like we're the only two on the war front
And we're supposed to be on the same side
Fighting for each other,
But instead we're fighting against each other
For all the different reasons.
And in the end, neither will win
If we're not careful, we'll both be dead in the trenches
Bleeding out our sorrows that we kept pent up from within.
So yes,
I am afraid --
Of the words I cannot say,
And the feelings I can't convey.

It hurts, you know.
Always hiding
From a mother, 
From a father,
From a friend,
From you.
Especially from you
But I have to
For I am all the bad qualities of a sun.
I burn people when they get close
And I burn you
And I hurt you,
So I guess you can call me a heartbreaker 
For lack of better words.
I don't know
Don't you hurt me as much as I hurt you?

Maybe it takes one to know one. 

From: Your Heartbreaker