Held Captive By Myself

Does anyone else feel like they are being held captive?

Well, I do. You want me to find the ugliness outside.

I wish I was blind.

I try not to count the calories so I write in diaries.

However, it does not work. I eat less and less every day. 

Trying to wash the pain away. You see the funny thing is,

I was not always like this. I used to eat all I wanted and not worry. 

I did not count the calories.

I did not stand on the scale and cry when I saw triple digits. 

The scale read 106 and that is when it started.

That is when you took over and led me to believe that I was not skinny enough.

I starved for hours on end and I  need it to stop.

I am going crazy. I only weigh 118 but that is not enough for you. 

You want me to weigh 104. The real question is, do I? 

Of course, I do because you are apart of me. 

You are my mind. You are me.