Hell

Hell is looking into your eyes and knowing I meant nothing to you. You who I have given my whole being to. I turn quickly away as tears pour down my face in a never ending cascade of false hopes and broken dreams. Congratulations! You did it! You finally broke me! But I will not give you the satisfaction of seeing it. You who was once my sun, moon, and stars. I lived for you while trying not to drown under the weight of your expectations but it was still not enough. I was not enough. The starry night swirls into a Van Gogh painting through the film of my tears. A desolate scream rises in my throat – HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME - but I swallow it back down. I will never give you the satisfaction of knowing you’ve won once again. You who was has shut me down at every turn. I finally realize I will never fill the position I’ve strived for. I can never be number 1 in your heart if the spot was already taken. The only thing that motivated me to overcome and survive your spiteful words and the taciturn look in your eyes that left bruises on my soul was a fabrication, a manifestation of my hopes, a willful ignorance of the clear distain you felt for me. Well, don’t worry, I will no longer be the emotional martyr. As I walk away from the sickening sight of you and her – ignoring your calls of “Wait! Hold it! Let me explain!” – I harden my heart into stone. You will never hurt me again.