Hell

Hell By: Hannah Bubar

Look, how many times do I have to write about you?

My diary stained with the pain and tears.

You say I’m a liar, deceiving, immature, a let down,

The list goes on.

I mess up,

Mistake.

Say something wrong,

Mistake.

Don’t give you the reaction you wanted,

Mistake.

I can never say anything now.

I express my hurt and anger,

I’m being ignorant and whatever else

You want to call me.

I’m a disappointment,

Yes I know.

You’ve only told me God knows how many times.

I can never be truly happy here,

Because then I only care about myself.

I can’t be hurt, sad, or angry,

Because I’M WRONG.

Can’t stand up for myself,

Because I’m the only one on my team here.

Because of you, I never do anything right,

Especially when it comes to my friends.

I piss them off and make them leave,

Because I’m trying to keep myself together.

You’re partially the reason why I’m struggling with grades.

I always have to “think about what I’ve done” and how “I’m not good enough”.

Just tell me you hate me already.

I’m tired of YOUR lies.

You say you love me,

But how can that be true when all I am to you is a disappointment,

A mess up, ungrateful, rude, and inconsiderate.

I don’t know what you want me to do for you.

I can’t be perfect.

If you want perfect, just order a freakin robot who beckons

To your every need.

That doesn’t have feelings.

That doesn’t need to use the bathroom, or eat.

Because things that are alive get in the way.

Except the family pets.

You love them more than me

Because they can’t talk back.

They don’t do anything wrong

Because they can’t “think like us”, and “they don’t know better”,

It would be easier for all of us

If I weren’t alive.

But the thing is, I don’t wanna die,

I’m just tired of living here, in your house,

Or what I call it, Hell.

The devil can always smile, but never stops torturing.

Let me leave, I know it’s what we all want.

Nevermind, it’s what I want.

You’ll tell me I’m safer here, but I know that’s not true.

Just let me leave,

Please.