HelloMy name is Ashleigh

Hello My name is Ashleigh I am a 19 year old African American female that was born in December Not only am I trying to succeed in beating out the statistics I am also proving that I can and will be something I can and will make something out of my life I can and will, one day, be utterly happy However, right now, my struggle… is real You may see me smile and my bubbly persona I put on display for everyone to see But never do you see what’s real when I am crumbled over on my knees… You have no, idea My life, isn’t easy From the outside looking in it looks if I’ve had a silver spoon in my mouth since I was born Not true Too many tears have fallen victim to my eyes for me to be so young Do you know what it feels like to have to pop pills every day for four years? To have something so wrong with you, that could be killing you and no one has an answer Hair falling out, immune system going down, weight going up Tell me, I was not able to lose weight I’m aware that I’m not a size two, three, nor a ten But this full figured, plus size, different body is what I’ve been graced with Size 16, take it in However, to throw it in my face over and over again until I’ve reached the point of no return Is not necessary No, you’re still not understanding are you? Let me take a step further and take off these bandages and expose these wounds for what they really are And let’s be real for a minute No filter Do you know what it feels like to be ridiculed every day and not be able to do anything about it? How about to be called out of your name and none of it be true Have you ever been called a transgender, man, or what about big beyond compare No? What about to have the hands of one that you don’t want around you on you No? My struggle! Is real! My pain! Is harsh! My life!... A story that will be heard! I am a writer of love and pain! Of tears and smiles! But most of all, I am a writer of what’s real… Are you listening? I don’t think you are taking in what I am putting out Sit up in your chairs and listen to me! Please, I’m begging you… this is my cry Have you had a friend that backstabbed you And it left you so wounded, so sore, so in distress it affects everything that you come in contact with to this day My life I have trust issues, I just have issues This b.s. pain that was so, so cruel and it did enough damage to still affect me years later Wanting to have the courage Wanting to have the confidence Wanting to have what’s in the movies Like I said, you don’t know my struggle Now, I’m exposed and I just healed a little bit more Every day I try to take a step forward Does it hurt? More than anything But if anything positive has transpired from it all I’ve learned to appreciate the ones who mean me well I still push some, well most away but I promise I’m still working on it So please don’t give up on me I have bad days because the past creeps up on me sometimes and whispers in my ear For the most, I’m still learning And I’m learning to love so much deeper to the ones I feel are true, genuine, people in my life who are here for a reason If I had to do it all over again, would I change anything? That is the question of the hour To be honest, I don’t even know This is me, Ashleigh and… I. Am. Exposed.