Helpless Romantic

Loving hard is so exhausting.
I want him
But he doesn't want me the same.

It's the same shit
Different person.

I can't help that I'm a helpless romantic
I can't help but invision a great life.
Life filled with love and happiness.
The major problem,
It's never reciprocated.

I seem to always want more
See more,
Feel more than whats actually there.

I unintentionally hurt my own feelings.
I wish I can turn my emotions off
Or at least put them on pause.

But if I do,
What would be left of me?
Who would I be?

I don't want to be someone drastically different
But I'm tired of wearing my heart on sleeve.
How can I lock away my emotions
But continue to be me?

I wish I was able to meet my person
The one I'm supposed to be with til the end of our dying days
But honestly,
I'm petrified of it happening.

I'm a hopeless romantic
Scared to fall in love.
Make it make sense.

I just dont want to give my all
Literally everything in me
And not receive anything in return.

Why go through that in a relationship
When I already go through it alone?

Maybe I need to self evaluate.
Maybe I need to put my feelings into myself.
Maybe I should do to myself what I want my partner to do.

That should help,
Hopefully